I need some help/direction/encouragment please?

I've been a jw for about 5 years at the age of 15 I started to study. I loved the people and the teachings soooo much it truely made me happy. But at about 18 I stared to have bad depression and anxiety being that it runs in my family and my family life was severly tough growing up (drug addicted violent parents.) Also I have homosexual feelings and I have been fighting them for a while. So that added to my depression very much. So to make myself feel better and to try to forget I turned to alcohol and worldly friends. I shouldve relied on jah but I realize I never rly truely developed a relatinship with him. I told the elders of my sins and was reproved. A few weeks later I was feeling extremely depressed I turn to alcohol and my worldly friends again and after talking to them they had encouraged me to leave the truth and too live my own life, saying that would take my depression away. I foolishly thought maybe it would work and was willing to try it being that my depression was so bad. I got disfellowshiped about a month ago at age of 20. And I realize how much of a mistake it was to leave. I miss the friends and service sooo much and even thou I'm not close w. Jah I realize how I've hurt him and miss hin very much also. Also my oldest brother is a jw and just had a baby with his wife and I am unable to see it and talk to them about it. Plz someone help me figure out what to do. It is so hard being alone with my depression and worldly parents and to develop a relaitionship with jah by myself. I have been able to cut off all ties with my bad assocition which is a start. I just hate that ill study for a day or two then be depressed and not able to study for a few days. Couls I talk to my elders about how hard this is to do alone with my depression annd anxiety? Will they take that into consideration and let me come back and help me work on my relationship with jah with their help? Plz help me